Growing Up Is Hard to Do

This, my first year of University, is rapidly coming to a close. With a tad bit over a month to go, it's amazing the change that I've seen take place within me. When I started, I was a scared little girl with no real clue how to deal with living away from home. I had no friends, my family was what seemed like a million miles away, and I had very little comfort in those first few months. I couldn't understand how friends of mine would go for days on end without talking to their parents, and conversely, I found that my relationship with my own parents became much stronger and deeper through my loneliness and ever-present need to converse and fill them in on my life. Now, nine months later, I am beginning to understand independence.

I needed constant parental assurance and reassurance to help me out. Now, if I don't talk to my family all that much, it doesn't make me feel empty inside like it used to. I mean, I love them very much and always will, but now it's no longer their approval I'm seeking... it's coming to terms with the fact that I can make decisions on my own, and that they probably won't hear about it unless I tell them. It's coming to terms with the fact that despite being financially dependent, I can do what I want. Despite the joy it gives me to be my own person without many restraints except for those that are self-imposed, it also pains me to realize that I'm growing up. It hurts to know that I can't approach my parents with every little thing and expect that they'll stand by me no matter what I do. (This has nothing to do with love, it has to do with approving of my choices). The power that's been handed to me to make my own decisions, provided I think those decisions through, is great power. It means I'm becoming an adult.

Now that's a hard idea to come to grips with. But I think I'm much more prepared for it now.