To those of you who know me, the things in red won't come as a big surprise....

You Know You're Addicted to Lord of the Rings When...

You start quoting from the movie as part of regular conversation. You like to tell your mom that you are hungry by quoting: "Merry, I'm hungry." She used to just laugh, but now she says, "What would you like to eat, Pippin?" You continually ask your parents for second breakfast. All the staff at your local cinema knows you by your first name and even before you open your mouth to speak, they say "Ticket for 'Fellowship of The Ring?'" You hate Burger King food, but you ate nothing else for a month to get the toys. You've crammed up your computer's memory by downloading every single screensaver from www.LordoftheRings.net You wander around the house in a knee length nightie, pyjama trousers and an unfastened dressing gown (to give you a train). You are trying to be an elf, and actually manage to forget that the nightie is blue with dolphins, the trousers have teddies on and the dressing gown is tartan. Your Lord of the Rings shirt has not yet met the washing machine. You don't have enough money to buy groceries for the next week before payday, yet you charge £50 on your credit card to get a three year charter membership in the official LOTR fan club. Who needs food anyway? You refer to parts of your town as parts of Middle-Earth. You wear hobbitish clothing as part of your normal wardrobe. You sometimes let your hair go curly after a wash, and then run around the house in bare feet yelling "I'm a hobbit!" You hate it when Elves are only thought of as 'Santa's little helpers' and have tried to explain the difference between Santa-elves and Sindarin Elves to your 5-year old cousins. You speak in Quenya just to annoy your friends. You refer to regular elephants as oliphaunts. While buttering a piece of bread, you suddenly think of Bilbo (remember when he was talking to Gandalf about feeling tired saying that he felt 'like butter spread over too much bread.') You renamed your car the Wraith-mobile. You have a replica of The One Ring. You are beginning to resemble a panda due to the fact that you've stayed up until 2 am reading and re-reading the great books. You actually managed to read the Silmarillion without being tempted to give up on this whole middle earth malarkey. You now have a lifetime fear of black horses! You haven't removed the soundtrack from your CD player since you bought it. You have sssudenly developed a hisssing lisssp every time you sssay the letter ssss. You have looked both on the net and in the phone book to see if archery and sword fighting lessions are offered in your area. You have begun calling your husband / wife / girlfriend/ boyfriend / animal or kid my precioussss. You happily traveled over an hour to the next town to see "it" because that theater has a better sound system than the one 5 minutes down the road. You have called every theatrical or specialty makeup company in town looking for pointy ear or hairy feet prosthetics. You've worn your plastic "one ring" that came on your Legolas bookmark so much the gold is completely worn off. You've begun drafting a letter to the Webster's dictionary people requesting that they include "Ringers" in their next edition. At Christmas time relatives find you chatting with the tree and sharing eggnog draughts Single ads with the description," short plump and big hairy feet" seem much more appealing. You know The LoTR history better then your family history. You have a mouse named Frodo, a bird named Gollum, and a dog named Gandalf. And that cat that keeps coming around to be petted is Legolas. You know Elvish better then English. Whenever something goes wrong, it's Sauron's fault. When you sing in the shower, it's always about Gil-Galad or hobbit walking songs... You know everything about Middle Earth geography, but you can't get someone from your house to the ice cream parlor. Now the nearest movie theater, that is a different story. You think the names of the 7 dwarves from Snow White are: Gimli, Gloin, Thorin, Gili, Nili, Ori, and Bambour. You have developed your own special Tolkien handwriting. "A firm, flowing script..." Words like "Yrch" make sense to you. You've become strangely obsessed with mushrooms. Whenever you close a door, you say "They have a cave troll!" When you come to a dead end you're still convinced that the road goes ever on and on. There's a sign on your door saying "Speak Friend and enter!" Whenever you get a chance, you burst into song. Preferably one that has more than 20 verses. You change your name by deed poll to a Tolkien character and seriously consider naming your children after LOTR characters. Every time you see birds in the sky you have the urge to say "Fly you fools!" When someone knocks on your door you grab them, pull them inside and ask "Are you frightend?... Not nearly frightend enough!" Your computer's screensaver is a marquee reading, "Ennyn Durin atan Moria: pedo mellon a mino" and the password is actually "mellon". You cannot see a beer without blurting out "It comes in pints? I'm getting one!" You just can't keep yourself from saying "nobody tosses a Dwarf" at inappropriate moments. A shadow and a threat is growing in your mind. You now referring to your friends as your 'Fellowship' and insist that you have epic adventures. You stand in the doorway and tell your cat that he 'Can not pass'. You wash your face in the sink and expect to see things that are, that have been or that will be. Your wedding band has started to weigh you down with it's evil powers. Spending $35 at the grocery store seems expensive but its Perfectly fine to spend $70 on the Hardcover LOTR book with Alan Lee Illustrations. You start keeping a LOTR Journal to write poems and inklings in. You face every difficult decision with the thought "now what would Gandalf advise me to do?" You know what Entmoot, Ent draught, or an Ent is for that matter You've gained 20 pounds because you've started eating a "Second Breakfast" A walking stick... you never leave home with out it. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Lord of the Rings.

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